Here, fresh from drawing my name in the Blog Azeroth Kris Kringle post exchange, is Leafy himself, who brings us a bit of good family fun and British humour from across the pond (WoW-themed, of course). At least, that’s what he assures me it is, and as he’s got a fantastic accent, I’m inclined to believe him. And so, without further ado.
We join the Christmas pantomime* The Stoppable Farce in mid flow…
_Enter stage left Stop Stoppingtonforce, the affable Death Knight, and his Vanity Pet Cat. He’s carrying Haris Pilton’s Hole on the end of a large weapon slung over his shoulder. _
Stop: Oh, puss, oh, sweet charming puss, with three main animations and no visible purpose, shall we ever reach Dalaran and find the streets paved with gold?
Puss: does a cute idle animation and fails to respond
Stop: oh, Pussy, I do love you so, but you are completely useless… Wait, what’s that ahead?
_Enter stage right, two large, angry looking mobs (crowds, not quest cannon fodder…), gesticulating at each other on the road ahead. As the cacophony begins to wind down, we realise both groups are shouting insults at each other; more - it’s the same insult! _
All: “You’re ruining the game! You’re ruining the game!”
_Puss chases an invisible butterfly, while Stop looks on in horror. _
_Four individuals step forward, two from each side. They are all played by over-weight, middle-aged men in drag, with excessive make-up and bad wigs. Both pairs of outfits are identical, with slightly different colouring. Let’s call then, randomly (ahem) Casuals One and Two and Raiders One and Two. _
Casual One: Them! They’re ruining the game! All that elitism and epeen!
Raider One: Them! They’re ruining the game with their sense of entitlement and welfare epics!
_Raider One turns to look at the audience, cocks an eyebrow, and raises his skirt to reveal a large, comedy ePeen** below… _
_Casuals One and Two make comic expressions of shock. Suddenly, Casual Two turns as if hearing a distant voice. _
Casual One: FTW! A healer! Now to chain random heroics and get my last piece of Tier 9!
_Casual One fades away. _
Raiders One and Two: They’re welfare Tier gear!
Audience and Casual Two: Oh no they’re not!
Raiders One and Two: Oh yes, they are!
Audience and Casual Two: Oh no they’re not!
_(repeat until the audience show signs of suicidal boredom or playing Warhammer) _
_Then…
Raider Two fades away. _
Stop (desperately): See, you are running 5 mans, too! Really, we’re all one big happy family!
Raider One: She’s just quit to play Dragon Age, you fool.
Casual Two: Oh no, she hasn’t!
_Raider One punches Casual Two in the face, while Stop legs it away _
_After a few seconds, Stop crashes unexpectedly into the Narrator. _
Stop: Oh, narrator, there you are. When can we expect Act Two to begin?
Narrator: Signs indicate that the door to Act Two will finally fall in 365 days.
Stop: Oh, bother.
_To be continued… (possibly) _
*Pantomime is (apparently) a very British Christmas theatre tradition, in which children’s fairy tales, or historical legends are played out with arch-villains, brave heroes (often played by very attractive young women playing handsome men - in tights), audience participation, and middle-aged men in extravagant and over-the-top drag making heavy sexual innuendo. This is, clearly, suitable Christmas entertainment for children and good, clean family fun. I have no idea why foreigners think Brits are sexually odd.
**Please find a way of making this acceptable to children while still being funny and lewd for adults. kthnxbai!